It is no secret that humans are fickle, females in particular (yes, I can admit it). We can go from being happy and excited to moody and depressed and not even really know the cause. Heck, there might not even be a cause! Well, I have procrastinated in updating my blog because I wanted to be in a better mood, but I have come to the conclusion that I need to update this regardless of my inconsistent emotions. Everyone goes through ups and downs so why should I not document this particular state in which I find myself.
I’m dealing with the age-old question of “What is my purpose?” A year ago I felt like God was calling me to be a teacher and I have no doubt that is still true today. I know I am where God wants me right now and I’m trying to be content in that, but I find myself always looking forward to the next chapter. Normally I have an idea of what the next chapter is going to be or I have a dream of what I want to do, but that is not the case. Right now the possibilities are endless and while to some that might be a good and exciting thing, for me it is overwhelming and scary. Over the last several months, my desire to live a “normal” life of a wife and a mother, living in suburban America has become my greatest fear. I fear living a life of comfort and normalcy and not making a difference for what really matters. I know everyone is intended to play a different role in being the hands and feet of Christ, but I cannot justify living a life of luxury and excess when so many live in shambles. This may not make much sense. I’m trying to verbalize how I’m feeling, but it’s difficult when even I’m not quite sure. I guess to put it simply…I’m fearful of what my future may hold and I think it’s because for the first time ever I am willing to be used in whatever capacity God wants to use me. It’s a great place to be…I’m not complaining. Really. It’s just unfamiliar territory and I need some guidance in how to give this over to God and put all my trust in Him.
A dear friend gave me a passage to read by Oswald Chambers and from it I took the following:
“If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and he will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live.”
It’s that easy! My focus needs to be on one thing only: developing my relationship with Jesus Christ. Through this, He will make all things clear in His perfect timing.
No comments:
Post a Comment