I have so much other stuff I should be doing right now, but sometimes (for me, at least) I need to write how I feel in order to concentrate on a task. I have been going crazy the last several days. I’m an emotional wreck, actually, and sick to boot. I found out this week that my hopes of teaching in the school I currently work is pretty unlikely since I won’t be a certified teacher until December. This news made me begin to question everything I’ve been doing and the choices I made last September. If God didn’t want to keep me at Cornerstone then why did He give me this opportunity? I’m so frustrated. Part of me wants to question whether I made the right decision in taking the job and postponing my graduation. I’m trying to remind myself of how sure I felt last year, and even though I know deep down I made the right choice, it’s just…well, frustrating! No other word quite fits. I am reminding myself of how much I love my job, the kids I teach, and the people I work with. I learned more from this job in a week than I did in all of my education classes. It has also been a huge validation for me that I do feel called to teach in an urban setting. I’m not sure I would love my own children any more than I love these kids. With all of these pros I still feel very discouraged as I now try to “re-plan” the next year of my life. If I student teach in the fall, rather than get a job, how will I support myself? I can budget all I want, not shop, eat ramen noodles, and never do anything fun, but some costs are just necessary (i.e. food, gasoline, health insurance… starbucks). Seriously though, it was just a huge disappointment. I’ll get over it. I know God has a plan…it’s just hard to see it right now. “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5,6
How NOT to be anxious in the coming days
2 weeks ago
1 comment:
I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I wish I could "fix" it. You know, God always has a plan and He NEVER wastes anything. He has had you at Cornerstone for a purpose. You may not be able to see exactly why, but you know He has.
You've probably heard this story many times, but it reminds me of the time your mom was praying because she couldn't afford to stay in the house she was renting. She felt she had two options and she told these to God. She could either get a higher paying job or find a cheaper place to live. Your Uncle B told her to quit praying her solutions and pray her problem. She was putting God in a box of the only things she thought would work. She started praying her problem to the Lord and a few days later someone who worked with Uncle B asked if she would live in his house rent free for the next three years while he worked in France. This was so far off her radar of possible solutions! God always has so much better for us than we can imagine.
Stay strong and keep trusting the Lord (I know you are) and He will show you His plan. I love you and we are praying for you. It will be so exciting to see what miracle God has for you!
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