{ How did I get here? }

Life is not at all how I thought it would be.  At 16 I never imagined that it wasn’t me who decided how my life would turn out. According to my plans, I would be married for close to 10 years by now and already have birthed the, I don’t know, 4 children I wanted. I wouldn’t have had to wait (for what felt like an eternity) to find my husband. I wouldn’t have struggled (for what felt like an eternity) to conceive my first baby. And I certainly wouldn’t be experiencing one of my worst fears now. Even as I sit at my computer processing my feelings, I don’t know what to think or how to phrase it. This isn’t supposed to happen to people like me…weak, sinful, struggling people. This only happens to those super-godly people who have it all together.

We are pregnant again. We were beyond thrilled to find out we were expecting #2. As we went in for my 8-week appointment and ultrasound, I had a bad feeling. I told the ultrasound tech that and she asked if I had any symptoms or signs of something wrong. I said no. And I didn’t. Then I had my 12 week appointment and ultrasound. We could tell something was wrong with the way the tech acted this time. With Mac she was open about everything looking normal. This time she said the doctor would talk to us about how the baby looked. We waited (for what actually was an eternity) for the doctor to come in. She saw no signs of there being anything wrong with the nuchal fold, but said there was a cyst somewhere in the baby’s abdominal region. She referred us to a specialist with no real information or leads as to what the issue could be. I came home and began googling (always the right thing to do, right?!). It actually gave me a peace about what the issue was. I had diagnosed our baby and I was no longer overly concerned.

{This was actually a HUGE part of how God was and is teaching me to trust in him. After reading this information, I no longer had to trust in God—I had data, science, statistics. I felt a sense of relief but a huge sense of guilt.  I thank the Lord for revealing my sin to me in this way. }

We went to our appointment with the specialist and found out our baby had an obstructed bladder and the cyst was just a by-product of that. He told us the worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, and likely scenarios. Likely scenario being that it would clear up on its own. Then we started hearing about several babies who had the same diagnosis as us that didn’t go away. We shared our news with friends and had a kind couple recommend UAB to us, as it is highly ranked in the states among the best hi-risk units.

We had another appointment (1 week after our first appointment with the other specialist) and the news was not so great. We found out that while it is possible for this to clear up on it’s own, it’s not likely. Our baby has been given two possible diagnoses—PUV (very grim survival rates) or Triad Syndrome (better survival rate but still not great). Our doctor is actually leaning more towards Triad because of a few other indicators on the ultrasound. We go back in two weeks for another check-up and what the doctor believes will be a more conclusive ultrasound.

{ Where we are now: }

We believe in God. The one true God. The same God who has the power to create our world with a word, part oceans, and raise the dead to life. He has done far greater things than opening a baby’s bladder, yet we pray he will choose to glorify his name in this way. We boldly ask for that in humble prayer and we ask that others join us in this request. We believe in the power of prayer. Not because it changes God’s perfect plan, but because it changes our hearts and gives us the opportunity to take part in his mighty works. We know he may choose to work in any way he wants, and we know he will give us the grace to handle whatever that may be, whenever that may be. So, no, I never thought I would be experiencing this. But I know now that God doesn’t give challenging times to the people who have it all together (do those people really even exist?). He gives ordinary people his strength to endure hard times…just as he did with Moses, David, Job, and Paul. Am I comparing myself to these men? By no means. But I am encouraged that the same God who cared for them cares for me. And more importantly, he cares for this baby. This tiny, unborn baby that some don’t even recognize as such. God is currently knitting him (yes, him. It’s a BOY!) together in my womb and I know his stitches are perfect.